Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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