Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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