what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Im part way to drunk.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
