nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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