So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
