then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
