i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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