the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
