I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
