no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just want nice things and good sex
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize
