guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
high people should be assigned attendants
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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