One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
