Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
