he puts the penis in happiness.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
