Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
