I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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