i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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