Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
