There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
