Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
