FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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