my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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