Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
