we have officially lost it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
