someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
