Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
