he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
