Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
