Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
