Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
