Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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