She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
