why didn't you poke me back
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
