wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
