I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
