Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
