You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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