Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
