you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
