I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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