Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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