can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
