i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
