John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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