my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
