Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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