I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
