my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
