i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
