In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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