He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
