my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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