I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
